MILLENNIUM SCIENCE FICTION 
& FANTASY MAGAZINE'S

His publications include:

Now, lets Talk To The Author!

MSF&F: When did you decide you wanted write for publication?

JEFF: I've always wanted to write, and I always wrote for an audience. Even

MSF&F: Why do you write in the genre/style you do?

JEFF: Well, I write in several genres, but they all end up in the same wacky style, whether I want them to or not! It's tough/impossible for me to write stuff without some humor in it, and I usually don't even try. Very often when I start a new project I'll try to make the humor a little less outrageous than my usual nonsense, but that generally lasts half a page or so. Then I have to go back and rewrite the half-page.

MSF&F: Have you had to overcome any great obstacles or problems to be a writer?

JEFF: Ummm…personal laziness? I'd like to impress everyone by saying that I wrote books instead of getting my 15 minutes of sleep a night between my three jobs in the coal mine, the cannery, and the toxic waste disposal center while going to school full-time and caring for my eleven children and two wives, but really, the biggest obstacle has been the lack of a butt in a chair in front of a writing device.

MSF&F: Who or what influenced you the most in deciding to write in your particular style?

JEFF: That's a tough one, because I never really decided to write in my style, it just happened. There have certainly been influences, such as Dave Barry and Douglas Adams, but I started reading them after the basic style was already there. When I was much younger I really loved Bananas magazine, a humor magazine for kids edited by R.L. Stine, and my friend and I would make our own Bananas rip-offs, so maybe you can blame Mr. Stine.

MSF&F: Have you found those closest to you to be supportive or the opposite?

JEFF: It's interesting…my family has ALWAYS been incredibly supportive of my wanting to be a writer, but they never seem to like the stuff I write! It's the whole comedy thing that bugs them. I keep forwarding my parents reviews saying "This book is absolutely hilarious!" but they still don't get it. My mom enjoyed Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary) for the mystery/suspense elements, but she didn't find it even the slightest bit funny! It wasn't just that she wasn't amused by the jokes…she didn't even notice their presence! I'm sure they'll all hate How to Rescue a Dead Princess. My dad suggests a new genre that I should write in every time I talk to him…I think last time he wanted me to write a true crime book. Despite their misgivings about what I write, my entire family has always been amazingly supportive and proud of my accomplishments.

MSF&F: What has made you the most unhappy or most angry in your quest for publication?

JEFF: The number of letters I got from publishers who loved my books, but didn't think they could successfully market them. When you get a letter from somebody saying "This is something I'd read on my own time, but we can't use it," it's both encouraging and incredibly frustrating.

MSF&F: What has made you the happiest?

JEFF: The overwhelmingly positive reaction to Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary)…most of which focused on comedy! YES! Of course, there was the review that said "One is made to wonder what bizarre thoughts marched through the mind of the author during those long dark nights in his native Alaska" but it was still positive. That one didn't get forwarded to my parents.

MSF&F: Why did you decide to e-publish as well as or instead of going the route of "traditional" print?

JEFF: I'd been trying to get my humor novels published for years, but nobody was buying. After one huge wave of submissions failed to get even a nibble, I finally just said "This is ridiculous! Think how much Snapple I could be buying with the postage money!" and decided to devote myself 100% to screenwriting. I met Pauline B. Jones, author of The Last Enemy, when she praised one of my scripts on a critique site, and we later made contact again when I congratulated her on winning a writing contest. She suggested I try to e-publish my books. To me, that was vanity publishing! I wasn't THAT desperate! But she sent me links to a couple of e-publishing sites which, surprisingly enough, seemed professional. I sent out How to Rescue a Dead Princess, and both publishers ended up offering me contracts! I went with Hard Shell Word Factory, and as I learned more and more about e-publishing, I became more excited at this opportunity. I dug out my older novels (at least the ones that weren't banished to hide from human eyes for all eternity), and sent them off to different e-publishers, eventually getting contracts with Wordbeams, Street Saint Publications, and DiskUs Publishing.

MSF&F: How long have you been writing?

JEFF: Since shortly after I developed the ability to drool.

MSF&F: How did you get your first piece published?

JEFF: A friend of mine, John McIlveen, forwarded me an e-mail with the guidelines for a new publication called Twisted Magazine, which was looking for horror, humor, or a combination of the two. I sent off "The Private Diary of Leonard Parr," a really warped humor piece which I later shamelessly incorporated into my novel Out of Whack (recycling saves the environment). The editor, Keith Burgin, e-mailed me an acceptance the next day!

MSF&F: Was it a paying market?

JEFF: No. I did get twenty-five dollars on acceptance of a story called "The Socket" for the second issue, but the magazine sadly expired after the first. I accept no more than 38% of the blame. I later sold the story to an Australian journal, Winedark Sea. It's a sick one. Normal people shouldn't read it.

MSF&F: What are you working on now?

JEFF: Another novel starring Andrew Mayhem, the hero of Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary). I wanted to call it Naptime For the Midnight Sun Mangler, but then I

MSF&F: Tell us about awards you have won, or anything else that you are especially proud of.

JEFF: While I have not personally won any awards for my e-books, I was asked to be the Master of Ceremonies at the first annual EPIC Awards Banquet in Omaha, Nebraska at the end of August. So I will get to shake hands with a bunch of winners and

MSF&F: Do you feel more pressure about writing now that you have several publishing credits to your name?

JEFF: I feel less, actually! I was concerned that when Graverobbers came out, people were going to say it was too silly, it was too dark, it was too over-the-top. But initial reaction has shown that people LOVE that it's silly, dark, and over-the-top! So I'm having quite a bit of fun writing the sequel, knowing that I've got a built-in (if small, at this point) audience of really sick individuals wanting more!

MSF&F: Well then, I guess you better count us in as part of the "sick individuals" because we loved it and can't wait for the sequel.

MSF&F: What do you read: Genre, nonfiction, etc.

JEFF: When I'm reading fiction, I tend to gravitate toward thrillers, preferably the really scary, intense ones. I probably read more nonfiction…some humor, and a lot of movie-related stuff. I keep vowing to read a lot of the classic humorous literature, but I usually end up reading a book of Roger Ebert reviews instead.

MSF&F: What about your day job? Is it writing related? Do you have one or are you a full time writer?

JEFF: My day job involves ghastly, horrible, grotesque things like processing insurance payments for large companies. It works out very well for me, because as hard as I try, I can't become obsessed with inputting bills and allocating premium, leaving my mind free to focus on writing when I get home. Sadly, one of the wankers in upper management made me remove the display case I had of Graverobbers disks for sale.

MSF&F: What writers groups do you belong to?

JEFF: I'm a member of EPIC (the Electronically Published Internet Connection), and was recently elected Secretary. You'd think people intelligent enough to have written books would know better, but apparently not. I was also a member of the Horror Writers Association for a few years, though I've since dropped out.

MSF&F: Do you think they have helped your writing career?

JEFF: Absolutely! HWA put a dumb kid with no contacts in touch with people who had actually WRITTEN BOOKS! By actively participating in the electronic bulletin boards, I learned an incredible amount of stuff, as well as hearing about market information that I never would have found otherwise. And the contacts I've made through EPIC have opened even more doors (in fact, I ended up selling Out of Whack because Tom Boyle at Street Saint Publications had read a post of mine on the EPIC mailing list about Graverobbers).

MSF&F: It takes a special sense of humor to do what you do. I admire that greatly (Okay, truth time--I ENVY that.). The body parts scene in "Graverobbers" was indeed an excellent example of scary humor. I loved it because although it was gruesome, I didn't get the effect of gory because of the humor. I hate gory, but you made it not only palatable, but downright enjoyable! Thank you for such a delightful read. I read it all in one evening because I couldn't put it down. You also have a special talent for creating tension with just enough clues to keep the reader turning the page. Your mixture of seriousness and humor is extremely well done. I'm impressed.

MSF&F: Now, tell us about GRAVEROBBERS WANTED (No Experience Necessary.) Is it your first e-book? How did you come up with such a great mix of horror and humor?

JEFF: Graverobbers is the first e-book I've had published, though How to Rescue a Dead Princess was my first one accepted. It was conceived purely as something I thought I could sell…after all, lots of humorous mysteries were being published! Well, during the writing process it turned into this twisted, grisly, totally off-the-wall adventure that wasn't quite what I'd intended! (To be honest, it turned into that pretty early in the writing process and I made no effort to stop it.) I did remove one sequence that was just too slapsticky, and I cut several of Andrew's wisecracks because I didn't want him to be overconfident in the face of danger, but beyond that I tried to make it as funny and as scary as I could…preferably both at the same time!

MSF&F: Well, you definitely succeeded. It's the funniest scary story we've read in a long time!

MSF&F: Tell us about your latest release.

JEFF: It's called How to Rescue a Dead Princess. It's a fantasy spoof, though you don't need to have ever read a fantasy novel to appreciate it. My goal was to set a record for the most jokes ever crammed into a single book. It does have genuine conflict, plenty of danger, and forward momentum to the plot, but really, the book ONLY exists for laughs. It's one goofy novel, and I think people will have a lot of fun with it. Weird people, anyway.

MSF&F: Tell us about the personal you. Do you have a "significant other?" Siblings? Children? Pets? Bad habits? Good habits? Skeletons in the closet? Etc.

JEFF: I've been married for three years to another writer (for the record, her pen name is J.L. Hansen and currently has an agent marketing LogOut, a large-scale techno-thriller. I strongly encourage publishers with large bank accounts to get in touch.). Being married to a writer works out well because I can spend all weekend in front of the computer and not be considered an absolute, total loser. I have one sister, no children, and an insane yet stupid cat named Pandora. My worst habit is probably going up to people on the street and throwing dead tarantulas at them. I really need to knock that off. I have no good habits to speak of, and quite honestly, I think publishing a book like Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary) is enough of a skeleton in the closet for anyone.

MSF&F: Remind me not to walk on the same street as you. Flying spiders are not my idea of a good time. It was great having you visit with us, and we are all looking forward to reading more of your terrific books. Thanks for this insightful interview, Jeff.

MSF&F: Folks, if you haven't experienced Jeff's e-books yet, RUN--DO NOT WALK to the nearest computer and order one. You will be glad you did. To keep up with all the latest ridiculous developments, send a blank e-mail to SeriouslyWhacked-subscribe@egroups.com.

Now take a look at what some of our reviewers say about Jeff's work.

Enjoy--We did!

Jeff Strand is one seriously warped character, and this is a good thing.

GRAVEROBBERS WANTED is deliciously dark humor blended together with a nice thriller/mystery. This story introduces us to a "hero" named Andrew Mayhem, and the last name is prophetic. He is a guy trying desperately to find himself, and failing miserably. His adventures teach him what he is not - namely- any kind of superhero.

Yet, I liked him immediately. I think it is the complete honesty with which he views himself. A bad financial situation and a desire to not tell Helen, his wife, about a certain car accident leaves him open to the temptation of easy money. Thus the grave robbing. Andrew's life goes downhill rapidly from there as he becomes the plaything of a psychotic killer. He collects wounds to body and soul, learning things about himself he would rather not know.

Here is a book in which the characters are all characters. There are stereotypes which show up, but they show a depth that makes them just a little bit more. The dialogue reads like the people are actually talking. The plot, well it is as twisted and tortured as our poor hero.

Definitely a good read for any who like dark humor and solid writing. 

Five good croaks for GRAVEROBBERS WANTED: No Experience Necessary.

"Kiss not this frog"
The Celtic Frog

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How to Rescue a Dead Princess
By Jeff Strand

Review by Patricia White

            Very Highly Recommended

Alas, poor Randall! Squire to that greatly handsome and most odorous knight, Sir William, mightiest of the mighty and then some, Randall is short, definitely trouble prone, and more than a bit thoughtless. Did I mention he was inept around barbarians, quicksand, and odd beasts? Or that he seems to be in need of rescue more often than not? Or that his father is a famous hero?

In his capacity as squire, he is to accompany Sir William while that wonderful and courageous knight escorts the Princess Janice to the Kingdom of Rainey. Yes, just the two of them. Sir William is fully aware of his own prowess in battle and needs no other knights to guarantee the princess' safety.

The three ride out and before long, in the manner of knights and such, enter an enchanted forest, which is aptly named "Forest of Death." One thing leads to another and…you don't want to know about the duel fought with dead squirrels. No, the less said about that, the better.

Anyway, the upshot is Randall (as must happen in these maturation/quest novels) finds a glowing crystal sitting on a stump. It's magic of course. Randall uses it to release William and the princess who just happen to be chained up at the moment.

Sir William takes the crystal and, while endeavoring to understand how it works, turns the Princess Janice into toast, or a crispy critter, or whatever. The name doesn't matter. She is one very dead princess.

That's how the princess got dead--how they rescue her is a whole different matter (and funny).

HOW TO RESCUE A DEAD PRINCESS is one of those books that has to be read to be believed--not that I believed one line of it. Disbelief didn't stop me from laughing, gasping, and just generally enjoying the whole thing.

All I can say is: Jeff Strand should be arrested for writing addictive works--maybe I should write my congressman (if Jeff is incarcerated, he will have more time to write). This is the second one of his books I've read, and I want more.

And I want them now.

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OUT OF WHACK
By Jeff Strand

Review by J. Thorn

                                    Very Highly Recommended

Well, Strand has done it again. I was laughing so hard while reading OUT OF WHACK, that my husband told me to go into the other room so he could hear the TV.

This book is filled with satirical humor. I started giggling with the table of contents and didn't stop until "The End". The author probably has a sore cheek because he must have written this entire story with his tongue placed firmly inside that cheek. The opening paragraph is a steamy sex scene which has nothing to do with the story. He explains, "Sorry. I wanted a nice opening for this book, and "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" was already taken. It was either this or the meat loaf recipe, so consider yourself lucky."

Even the table of contents is funny. He stops listing page numbers and starts regaling us with the IQ of his cousin, Goober as one of the numbers. When the story actually begins, you are already primed to laugh. Two young men, who are best friends, make it through puberty by the skin of their--uh--teeth and strike off for college. All they really want to do is write and perform comedy, and their efforts to achieve this goal involve a beautiful, young co-ed whom the hero spills beer on in their first meeting and throws up on in their second--not the best way to begin a lasting relationship.

But all is well. The scene when the hero loses his virginity to the beautiful co-ed is extremely funny and left me chuckling far into the next day. The hero's antics after that get both serious and silly. (If you can't imagine a combination like serious and silly working, you have got to read the book because Strand makes it work!)

Bawdy and outrageous, this book as a must read if you have a twisted sense of humor and enjoy understated sarcasm. This book carries the same warped comedy as Jeff's two previous books.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is not squeamish and enjoys off the wall slapstick.